July 2017. Coming out of a bad 2 year relationship, ended with a big bang, “fuck off or I’ll destroy you” type of shit. Wasn’t very fun. That led me to banging different girls every day for a whole month. And believe me, this shit almost fucked up my life.
There are only a handful of people on earth that can actually deal with a breakup without losing their shit for at least a day or two. No, I did not fall into bottomless pit of drinking nonstop and abusing drugs just to feel myself like a human being worthy of love again. I did not fall into the deep abyss of self-pity. Yet, I was in a bad place nonetheless which influenced my entire upcoming year and will probably continue to do so. It’s a lifetime type of thing, ya know.
When one goes through a breakup, he’ll tend to remember the good times and everything he’s about to lose, when instead we should be focusing much more on how we’ll be better off without them, since at the end of the day that’s the freaking point of breaking up in the first place.
But is it really how we operate?
Hell no! He’ll think of those cute cuddly moments, the outdoor picnics that make your heart tingle and the sex. Mostly the sex. We handle breakups in such a terrible way due to the way we see things. Guys mostly worry about not being able to have sex ever again while girls worry about not being able to find a guy that’s full of commitment, good mood and is a good choice for her in general. Not saying that guys don’t think this way or that girls have godlike abundance, but overall – this seems to be the case, believe it or not.
I, for one, was worried about both of these different spectrums, which led me to a rampage of fucking and a desperate need to have someone right by your side every night. It all came down to a point where I would see a potential girlfriend in the worst types of women (looking back now it’s almost disgusting), how I, in my desperate need of a healthy lifestyle, fantasized about not just for one night, but having that specific girl for a lifetime. I was looking for someone who is great at sex, looks decent and can cook (might be normal for you, since how much do you really need). In reality, I did not have any type of connection with the girls I was seeing at that time, but I sure as hell forced myself to see the good in them despite all the red flags that came up.
I dated strippers, girls of underage and the worst type you could find – the broken ones. When you naturally have a healing aura then you will attract all types of crazy who will drain all your energy, meaning your work will suffer and your health will suffer. Both kinds. A reminder is that you should not help everyone if it comes out of the cost of your own personal sanity.
All this self-loathing and deep desire to be loved by someone expressed by mindless sex was healthy in one way, in a way which showed me that you do not need to be with someone just to enjoy physical contact. No matter what people tell you, being able to have sex with partners you like is relatively easy. It only takes a man to act manly and woman to be womanly. There ain’t much more than that, my friend.
Eventually, after deep state of desperation, crying about girls that I did not even like, I did find a girl that I really connected with and wanted to spend my time with (for real this time), and yes, she does cook. And boy, how does she cook.
It is really important to know thyself (yes, I know), to realize when you’re fucking up and to know about your mental state at all times. Being able to self-reflect is perhaps the most underrated superpower of our century (yes, it is a freaking superpower). I for one did not realize how broken I was after the breakup and being able to think back now on the things I did, the life I lived and how desperate I was to control things that work the best when not being controlled.
During this one month of self-loathing I realized that sex does not need to be between two people who love each other, but it can easily be done just to express yourself. We have sex with people who we’re attracted to, but we spend time with those who we actually like. We should separate one from the other.
I guess the main takeaway from this post (if you find nothing else) is to realize how things always work out for the best without you trying to control everything, and the more you focus on controlling everything the less you are able to do so.
As always, I tend forget the point of why I’m trying to say in the first place during writing my articles, so this is all that you’ll get.