MOST things taught about picking up chicks, game, seduction, man to woman social dynamics or whatever you want to call it, are completely pointless unless you understand ONE thing about female psychology.
She won’t fall for you.. She will fall for the story ABOUT you..
Let me explain you about this weird, but extremely important concept.
This is something I discovered about 2 years ago and has been a KEY to a lot of my beliefs about approaching women from cold approach. (Making it super easy)
One of the best dating coaches in the world, Alex Social, describes this concept brilliantly in his “inception dynamic” video. I’m putting this all together to help my own understanding, as well as your own.
I don’t think anyone can totally understand this as its super confusing as to why things work this way.. But knowing a few things help you just get on with things without constantly worrying about theory.
Basically, you don’t need to be an expert for it to work.
You just need more faith that by doing so much less you can get the girl.
To help me get my thought process around this, I tried to make it as simple as possible. Writing posts like this help give my own clarity on the situation. Through writing I can finally realize that I know and what I don’t. Trust me, dating is the stuff that I’m most passionate about, therefore the thing that I know the most about.
The point of this post is to give you much clearer map of how to proceed when things are confusing when approaching women, when you are getting cold reactions and nothing seems to be working.
If you are approaching a lot of women, then you probably only need to change a few things in the way you are approaching. Most likely. Most men are already enough from the very start, but just need to be reminded of that in order to own it in dating, so it’s just a small paradigm shift, nothing to crucial. In this case I am speaking to these “most men” out there. If you define yourself as a complete hard case, as someone whose not bad with women, but just utterly terrible with social interactions in general, then please be directed to my other article.
Most men fall prey to superficial ideals promoted by social conditioning, and even pickup conditioning! They think they need to become something in order to get laid, when in reality it’s about just those small little tweaks in your belief and behavioral system that make you irresistible to women. When you understand this, you will be able to make a lot more sense of your progress and things will become a lot simpler. You will build more emotional resilience and more stamina.
This is a slower more advanced way of doing things..
Unlike “attraction based game” where you make the girl defensive and evasive via relying her to give you a green light,
If you have the belief in the form of the following affirmation then you will find what I’m saying to be obvious.
“Regardless of how the girl reacts to me at first, I know that she will like me if I spend enough time with her, she will eventually grow into me. It’s called The Buckle Effect.”
This is a true self belief and a true knowing that you are a good guy and that you and her can develop something together.
If you are not getting the “buckle effect” then you are probably doing something wrong which is listed below..
1) unhygienic looking
2) bad dress sense
3) too much energy pouring on the approach. (Too needy)
4) too polarizing (too weird/aggressive/un relatable.
5) the girl is logistically unavailable (boyfriend is near, she is in a hurry, lives on another continent..)
It’s actually quite hard to make a lot of these mistakes. Number 5 being one of the most common.
Number five is almost completely out of your control, but the other 6 are not. A lot of the time women become completely unavailable it’s because of something out of our control and we blame ourselves. We blame our skill level, we blame our value, we blame ourselves for fucking up a “perfect” situation without even realizing what’s actually going on inside her head.
That’s why a lot of guys rarely improve their self-esteem when basing it on the results they are getting.
But, if you approach with having this understanding in mind, everything changes.
What I’m saying in this post is more about meta game, or one way of looking at attraction in overall. Something to have in mind when you go about your day to day life, a sense of direction, a certain idea of what your life is about and why you’re doing the things you’re doing regardless of how big or small they are. In that case, pickup then doesn’t become this dominating force controlling all your decisions. You begin to embrace life instead of being this outsider that needs to put on a game face every thing shit gets real.
The point of this post is to create leverage to give you more stamina and more patience. Have more faith in who you are as a man and don’t give up so easily or give into unhelpful beliefs such as “she just wasn’t that into me”.
This type of game in my opinion is the safest way to create a genuine connection with a girl and its due to an equal investment on your part at first and you then being a “special guy” that she wants in her life.
You become that guy NOT from something you do but from a whole heap of things you don’t do..
Let me explain.
Leverage is key. Stories are leverage. She needs to be able to put together a story about you that seems intriguing. More experience with this approach on dating creates even a stronger belief that women think and feel this way (because then you’ll see for yourself that it’s true), making you more patient, more persistent and more manly in general, therefore you create more female attention on you and have more opportunities.
Rather than running around the club or street trying to get it done in minutes you completely flip the script on your self with this liberating way of thinking. You literally take all pressure off.
Same as night clubs, instead of constantly looking for the right opening or way into the night via a girl who looks either interested or “not too mean”, you let things unfold naturally which has a much more powerful effect.
So what’s the practical idea of all this?
You approach her despite the gut feeling you have inside, you approach her despite her looking like she’s going to slap the shit out of you once you get there. You approach het simply to see where the story is going to go while keeping the possibility of her being into you open at all times. When she’s acting reactive towards you, then she’s into you.
By using this approach, the pressure soon comes off and the need to do and say the right thing will diminish, which in turn is translated in your sub communication, where true “game” lies, making you more powerful and irresistible by default.
The effect this has is subtle, but powerful. She’ll love the story of you and the more time you two spend together, the more she’ll begin to ease up for you. It’s just like in school. Remember how you became best friends with your desk mate? You two probably had not much in common, yet you two eased up for each other since you spent so much time together, went through thin and thick, suffered under the tyranny of teachers. That shit goes deep, creates a positive feedback about the other soldier sitting right next to you and makes friendships extremely easy to happen. Did you know that most people who are desk mates in school are also best friends in real life? That’s pure psychology.
Back to the topic of dating,
Use time game.
Time game, I find, is if you are patient and don’t necessarily “Need” to make something happen, then women will start to slowly make more effort. She will literally provoke you to get some reaction, which will give you another way to hop through her hoops by being non-reactive to prove to be seemingly even more high value than she originally thought.
This is where things become fun and true seduction begins.
If you’re looking to take your dating life to a whole new level,
And you consider yourself to be a hardcore badass that enjoys improving himself,
If you consider yourself to be an action taker,
For real, if you are a freaking badass action taker that gets stuff done,
Then do not miss this book by any means.