It’s quite simple to think back at our failures, because we all have them. They are not the kind of experiences that go away easily. Usually we know, what we did wrong and why bad things happened to us. It could have been our lack of confidence, courage, skill or maybe even just being over worried. Most of the time it was probably not even a big deal, you just worried too much about something nobody even cared about. But there were those situations, when we just lacked something certain and we still wish to this day that we could go back and just overdo it.
„One of the things you have to understand here, is that you are supposed to fail. You are supposed to fucking fail. Because failure is the stepping stone to success.“ – Elliot Hulse
How do you know when someone is better than you? How to do know if your neighbour could beat you in let’s say ping-pong? You play against him. If you lose, you’ll learn and see why he excels. Maybe he has put in more time and energy than you. Maybe he has a winner’s mindset, of not giving up, never backing down. Maybe you were just too nervous or distracted to play on your best level. It’s difficult and inaccurate to make assumptions before even trying. You’ll never know whether you’re skill wise behind the opponent by a lot or just a little bit without giving it a go. You might actually be even better than him. There is no shame in losing. There is a lot of shame in not trying.
In basketball, how do you consistently throw in 3 point shots? By missing thousands of shots on the days before. Imagine if you did not miss those shots on your trainings because you did not care to show up at all. You’d still miss them, just not on that day, but on the day when it actually matters. You can’t skip your way to success. Going through dark times is an absolute necessity if you ever want to get to higher ground.
What good are losses, when you just complain about them? Failures are a wonderful opportunity for growth, if you work on them by rethinking your actions, seeing what you did wrong and using the past failures as fuel to go even harder the next time. Unfortunately, it is our habit to sit down and cry on someones shoulder and tell them our sad little story. That will not help you and will make the loss useless and just another nail on your coffin. Your mind has the power to either make something out of your defeats, or use it to kill your drive, your will to succeed and put you in a dark scary place that will eventually lead to extreme unhappiness and depression.
When you win, you’ll celebrate. When you lose, you’ll learn.
“Until we see who we are, we cannot take steps to become what we should be.” – Charlotte Gilman
Feel free to do this exercise with me:
Think of your high school class. Who would you invest in? Who would that person be that you invest all your money in? Imagine you had no choise but to invest in someone from your class. Found someone? Good. Now think of his daily routines and activities. Go deep into his thought process. Analyze his strong sides and weak points. Why would you invest in that specific person? Does he have great ideas? Does she look authentic? Does she talk a lot? Does she listen to other people? Does he plays sports? Is he going to seminars and conventions or does he stay at home watching TV? Is he positive or negative?
Whatever that person was like, he probably had a spark in his eyes. He knew what to do. If not, then he probably just had some good character trait such as being non judgemental, keeping his mind open for new ideas or maybe he was just a good conversationalist. Think about that person you chose. Try really hard to remember why has he or she earned the honor of your investment. Write them down so you’d remember them better. Of course you would have to use common sense since he or she is not perfect, because nobody is nor can be. So be aware of his negative sides that you should avoid. This exercise teaches what you should apply in your life as much as what you should not. For an example, if he was really arrogant and cocky, because he was smarter than everyone else, then that’s a trait you should really think about whether it helped him or not regardless of that person having a reason for it. Would it really that useful for you to be a person who’s really annoying to be around or is it a behavioural flaw? I’d advise you to find a middle ground. Arrogance for an example, might not be what you need, but confidence in yourself is a part of arrogance. So if you want to be more like that cocky guy, you should have more confidence, not just piss people off. Remember, you do not have to make yourself a copy of him. You just need ideas from his behaviour that you could apply. It’s like building Frankenstein’s monster. A successful monster. You don’t build everything you can. You just build what you need.
The things you like about him is the same stuff that you value in a person. The activities that he did and the life he had lived made him the way he is. Applying the same principles to your life will just make you a hero in your own story. It’s amazing to be a superhero in your own life, not just watching someone else flying around and beating up bad guys instead of you. We are usually the side character in our own story. Main character is someone, who we know and who’s successful or maybe even just someone from the movies that be aspire to be, but never take the effort to be like. That’s just lame. It’s your life, not someone else’s! You’re the hero! Make it so that you’re the most interesting person for you be hanging around with. If you need a hero…become one.