This blog post is inspired by the book „How to win friends and influence people“ by Dale Carnegie, one of the first self-help books and also one of the best self-help books ever written. I know people who have turned their life around from selling drugs purely by picking up this piece of genius and made more than a million dollars legitimately.
Anyway, this book starts off with a wonderful example that I will share here. Let’s say you go fishing. You love to eat ice-cream with strawberries. Unfortunately, that’s not what fish like to eat. They like worms. So obviously you’re not going to use ice-cream with strawberries as bait. You will use worms. Same principles apply to human conversation. Don’t think about what you want. Think about what your targeted audience would want, even if it is just one guy.
If you were a personal trainer, you would not use a sales pitch like „I’m trying to build a customer base.“ No. You will say something like „I wanna help you to lose weight. I’m going to sweat with you, I’m going to fight with you. I’m going to be there for you.“ The key is to put yourself into another persons perspective. Seeing through their eyes, seeing what they want. This will take some creativity. The sad truth is – most of us just do not care about what you want. This is why most of us are also broke.
- Become interested in others
- Be a good listener
- Talk in terms of their interests, not just yours
- To make the other person feel better and to do it sincerely
Whether you care only about a few topics like cars, mathematics or self-help, show some interest nonetheless. People love when you show interest in their lives. If you do that, then we finally feel like we have accomplished something and now we get to share our experience even tho the experience might have been not that much out of the ordinary and just circumstantial. Since so many people are extremely poor conversationalists, this will definitely make you stand out in their social circle. We, humans, sadly don’t wanna listen, we just want to talk and we absolutely love when someone listens to us. Asking someone about their weekend might not seem that interesting to you, but it will appeal to the person who’s asked. For them it will create joy and they will also treat you better overall. Even people with the most random and incognito professions such as an accountant might have such an interesting life and you have no idea about it, because you have never asked them. You can come to the realisation that someone has saved a life before or has broken a window to get a dog out of a hot car. Who knows, maybe you’ll even befriend a millionaire.
Everyone is starring in their own movie and we love to talk about it. Something like this is highly useful to notice and can be used your advantage in order to create better relations with people, make new friends and live a happier live by just socializing more and showing interest in other people’s lives. By using this technique, you’re going to have the most deep conversations and make friends that will last a lifetime.
If you lack of communication skills, I seriously recommend you to pick up this book. It is essential to any aspiring success hunter.
If you want to be a good conversationalist, be a good listener. To be interesting, be interested.
– Dale Carnegie
“I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends”
– Abraham Lincoln