People often ask me:
“What is true confidence and how is one able to achieve such thing?”
First off, let me explain what can not be considered to be True confidence…
Pretty much all of us tend to let everything that’s external influence us. Let’s say you buy a cool looking car with stripes and V8 engine that makes your panties wet. I bet you feel like you’re in seven heaven right after when you get the car. Your self-worth, self-image and most of all – self-esteem have skyrocketed through the roof because of this one simple purchase. Now, tons of insecurity is followed by such action. You’ll be unable to sleep next night because maybe someone is out there scratching your car. Maybe someone has noticed your sweet lil’ automobile and is planning to either smash or steal it. Why? Because you care about your car.
Now ask yourself – why do you care? Because it cost you lots of money? Sure, that’s true. You feel such as if someone destroyed it then you’d be miserable without it. Losing your new car would be a major catastrophe for you.
Ask yourself this next question – why are you so keen in your new car? The main reason is always the same – it makes you feel good. It makes you feel good about yourself, your life and it makes you look cool in your own eyes. You have this ideal self in mind that possesses a car such as this and now that you have it, you’ve lived up to your ideal expectation. Losing it however would mean you’ll go back to your old life, a life without a cool car, therefore you won’t be cool.
To make it perfectly clear to you – you care so much about the car because you identify with your own imaginary ideal character that in your mind possesses such items. We all have an idea in our heads about the guy or girl that we’d love to be like. It can be your favourite actor, movie star, a famous singer or whatever, the point is that you know who you’d like to be if a chance was given for it. You want to be just like him. You want to possess his character traits. You want to be perceived and treated as him. Therefore, buying that car helps.
A big problem with this way of thinking is that you’re being superficial. You’re looking at what he or she is wearing, what she owns and what he acts like, but you’re not looking into his head. You don’t know how that person thinks and what makes him be such a cool persona whose ways you’d like to adopt for yourself.
Here’s an important fact for you – acting, saying, dressing and buying things like your ideal person does is not what makes you look like him. You might look like him considering your external image, but your ways of living do not add up, therefore you’ll always be a lot more lame version of who you’d like to be. If your ideal person is charismatic, then you would not be charismatic. You are not going to have that effect on people by focusing on the external.
And on top of all this, no one is able to play a character better than the guy that IS that character. No actor is able to portray someone better than that very same person. The only person who can play you the best, is you. Therefore, trying to be someone you’re not will always be weaker than just living up to your true self.
But…how to create your own true self to be that cool person who you have always aspired to be? How to have that true confidence and charisma?
In order to have true confidence that just sparks out of you everywhere you go can only be achieved when one starts looking inward. It’s not about how you look like, but how you feel and think. Notice that I put the word “feel” in front of “think”. Why is that? Well, the way you feel is more important than how and what you think. And when you feel just right, then your thoughts will follow in the right direction.
A perfect example about how important confidence really is, can be seen in the movie called Harry Potter and the half blood prince. Ron thought of himself as a mediocre quidditch player. He did not belive in his ability to be good at it and was really scared of the upcoming ballgame that he participates in. Harry, seeing his friend in trouble, supposedly gives him the elixir called Liquid Luck, that is known to have the effect of destroying all your fear and giving you major confidence. Generally in sports, when you get frightened, it’s over. Ron goes off to win the game with a feeling that he will beat everyone against him. In the end it’s revealed that Harry did not use the elixir on Ron. He just thought Harry did. As we can see, Ron won purely just because he believed in his abilities.
Funny, how this stuff works, eh.
True confidence comes from how you feel in every situation life throws at you. If you feel good, you’ll feel confident. And I’m not talking about short-term pleasure such as eating junk food. This arises the next question – how can one feel good in every situation?
The answer is simple. One must believe in himself. One must feel such as if he’d dominate every venue, every room, every anything and truly believe it!
“Past actions and outcomes will shape the idea of what will happen in certain situations.”
In order to feel as if you’re the shit, as if you’re bigger than life, extremely powerful and ready to rock in any situation if needed…one must have positive reference experiences behind him to back up such claims. And those are really simple to get. Let’s say you want to lose weight, go and talk to a girl and have sex with her, make more money…go ahead and get busy, start achieving your goals without excuses. Reference experiences build up your confidence. Therefore, once you’re able to run a marathon or whatever, you won’t be basing your feeling of self-worth on external values such as cars, houses, looks or anything other that’s outside of yourself. Your newfound true confidence now comes from your feelings and thoughts, your ability to stand by your word and get shit done, to be able to manage life. On top of that, living such a lifestyle will provide you with fancy cars and houses just because you’ve earned them throughout your actions. But now, you do not even care about those things so much anymore. Therefore, when someone mocks your car or calls you names, you simply don’t care. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone because you know deep down what you’re capable of.
Somebody does not believe you? So what! You believe yourself. That’s all you’ll ever need and also the only thing that matters. You don’t need to own cool things in order to feel cool, you just need to feel as if you could if you had a need for it.
There ya go, ultimate confidence. But, what we’re trying to find here is TRUE confidence, something so strong that it’s impenetrable. This method that I just talked about, praises the idea of achieving it through believing in your own skills and judges you by the ability of how you’re able to take care of yourself. It’s just a stepping stone.
Real work begins here…
The Sly Man’s Approach:
A spiritual guru names Sadguru, a yogi, mystic, poet and a bestselling author has a different approach for the matter of reaching true confidence. This once more proves the point that an ultimate answer most likely does not exist and that life is full of paradoxes such as this. There is not just one answer, there’s plenty. One is probably better than other, but that I leave for yourself to decide since life is mostly relative. Anyway, here we go…
In the eyes of Sadhguru and anyone else who follows the ways of gurus such as Eckhart Tolle and the late Osho. What their philosophy consists of is embracing the unknown, not knowing what we’re here for and really to caring much about finding out. Instead, focusing on building and creating something that’s appealing and artful. In the words of Sadhguru, a philosopher wastes days and nights looking for answers whereas the enlightened one understands that the world is too big for it to be figured out and therefore enjoys the things he experiences while working on creating something that matters to him.
To a person such as this, life most likely does not have a meaning and even if it does, he is not too keen on finding it out. Instead, he focuses on things that matter and that can be considered by many to be a waste of time or meaningless. You see, in the end it’s all about our value system and what we care about. In the end, it is all about what we give a fuck about and about what we don’t.
Therefore, embrace the grind, enjoy the journey, follow your passion and do not care much about the right route or the most optimal route. Your own inner voice shall be your guide, everything else just feedback.
If you think like this, life really is nothing more but a fun ride for ya, something to write home about. All the fun and tough times, both insidious and satisfying – they’re all the same to you – simply a fun experience.
There ya go, true confidence!