“Oh, I wouldn’t mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
Have you ever had a bad breakup? Have you ever had a situation where you have deep love for someone, yet that person won’t even text you back? Hell, have you ever had a heartbreak for any reason what so ever? Probably every single one of us has experienced heartbreak, and it has most likely not been only once. It’s a common thing nowadays, especially when the girls are a lot more bitchy, the guys much more insecure and the society projecting this true style romance on us, which is in no shape or form close to the reality. I for one have been left standing in the rain more times than I can count, girls have rejected me day in day out, I’ve shared my love with women to who I’ve been nothing more than just a pawn to play with, and of course I’ve also been in the other end of the spectrum, seeing how it works from both angles.
The shortest helpful fact that I can give you in this post is that we cannot escape heartbreak, since it is bound to get us at some point or another whether we purposely chase love or not.
The whole idea of heartbreak is possible only thanks to one little reason, or a big reason depending on how one decides to look at it. Our paradigm. You’ve heard me talk about this for a long time now, and yet the word still keeps popping up like a curse. Well, obviously it has a big part to play in this philosophy of the sly man. Paradigms are the main factors that create our life. Paradigms determine the quality of our life and how one goes about it, the thoughts that one has and even the ideas that pop into his or her head. Paradigms control everything.
Heartbreak is only possible when one decides to put his faith into the other person, and that person then betrays him, or simply to say fails to exceed his expectations. It’s our paradigm, to be dependent on someone else and give that person the power to be in charge of our emotions, even our love. Think about it. Think back to the time when you thought you loved someone, or maybe you still do to this day. This did not happen because that other person is so special. This did not happen because of some deep and pure chemistry that’s floating around in the air, waiting to be released upon that person who has the right receptors to receive it. Love is merely a reaction that happens when the right girl meets the right guy in the right fucking time and place. Love is the sum of our current emotions and the experiences we’ve had so far. It’s not some match made in heaven, it’s merely a beautiful chance. The game of luck, to be able to meet a girl who is well receptive to your current mood swing, ambition and ideas that have dwelled around in your head for the past few minutes, hours, days… It’s merely a lucky chance that does not happen often. If we’re dealing with a person who’s emotionally crippled, desperately needing a man in her life, then for her failing in love will be almost instant with any guy who takes initiative or is simply there. Love is a big game of chance that two people sharing a common interest in their type have the luck to meet at the right time through the right occurrences. Running into someone, spilling over his coffee, him being all chill about it since he just got a big raise at work and telling the girl it’s alright, girl falling for that guy partly due to movies projecting these romantic moments and partly thanks to the dude being cool about the situation will produce instant attraction and therefore will seem like love. Taking into account that none of them have had many boyfriends or girlfriends or no sexual experiences before, they connect well with each other, get married in few years and then, some day having tremendous hatred for each other and wondering what happened to their love. It’s simple really. Shit happened. Falling for the first dude of girl who happens to share an absurd moment with you is not love, it’s just one of those moments that’s absurd. It doesn’t mean much, it just gives these two people the chance to fulfill both of their desires through this excuse of love. I’m not saying this sort of love ain’t real, I’m simply saying there is a logical explanation to everything that happens in relationships through the science of psychology. Human beings look for approval, they look for real human connection with the opposite sex, and these occurences give it a real good chance to really happen. It’s in our nature. I’m a real party pooper for saying such things, and yet they are still true no matter how many people deny these facts. Go ahead, look it up. I dare you.
Our paradigms make us be dependent on someone else, to look for love from places that won’t offer us this ultimate satisfaction. No matter how much you might know about relationships, they will always be messy. They are not perfect, not even to the smartest therapist out there. In fact, the wives of therapist’s have the highest rate of suicide in our today’s culture. I guess many of us are just unable to handle the truth, as Jack would say.
Instead of being dependent on another, I invite you to change your motivational source, your paradigm, if you will. As the title says – your life, your rules. Make your life about yourself, and then, once you’ve established that, invite other people to join in on your ride and offer them your unconditional love. Whether they accept it or not is entirely up to them, but at least you’ve done everything that can be done. That’s all we can ever do. Sounds like narcissism? Well, maybe a healthy dose of narcissism combined with gratitude for what we have and acceptance for everything that is and will be is all what we ever need.