“The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden
This book blew my mind!
Number one thing I learned from it is that your happiness=taking 100% responsibility for your actions. Every action you do is either a — or a + depending on your goals. With every minus your self-esteem goes down, with every plus it rises. All these pluses and minuses add up and create the level on which your self-esteem lies.
Here are the pillars:
1.The practise of living consciously. This is all about having a mind that is active and not passive, seeks awareness vs laziness and not caring, the kind of mind that does not escape reality.
“I know I’m not working my hardest right now, but I don’t want to think about it. It will work out somehow.”
“I know there is a situation I need to deal with, but not now. Some other day.”
“I know I should focus on my health, but not now, some other day.”
We cannot live happily with this mindset. We need to reconnect with reality and live consciously. The idea is to make your actions be aligned with your purpose and values. This is what affects your self-esteem whether you take initiative or not. Look at your life, who you want to be and take the right action based on those facts.
There is a time and a place for everything. If it’s time to relax, then relax. If it’s time to work, then work. Learn to shift your focus. It’s something you’ll learn to love after repetition. It’s a way of life, a healthy life for that being.
2.The practise of self-acceptance. Be on your own side. You’re the best friend you could ever have, so don’t hate yourself. You’re the same guy who is able to improve your life and not anybody else, you’re in the same boat with yourself. To make the journey enjoyable one must learn to love the person he spends the most time with. Guess what? It’s always you.
Everything that you have in you, is you. It’s important to not disregard any parts of yourself. You are who you are. Accept yourself the way you are at the given time period. Accepting does not mean liking, you don’t need to like yourself, you just need to understand that this is who I am right now.
Whenever you do something you don’t like and feel the need to alienate yourself from that experience, analyze it and figure out why you did it. If a negative idea rises, do not resist it, since by resisting it you will fuel it. Just accept that it’s there without giving any energy towards it, it will melt away without energy.
3.The practise of self-responsibility.
To feel worthy of happiness, you need to take 100% responsibility for your own actions. Thinking like happiness is 100% your own responsibility, this idea is empowering and puts the power back into your own hands.
Nothing else is to blame for your life, it’s you.
Nobody owns you the fulfillment of your wishes.
Other human being are not servants and do not exist to satisfy you. No one is coming to save you, no one will save your problems. If you do not do anything, nothing will be better. There are no miracles.
4.The practise of self-assertiveness.
You have the right to exist. Yell it out and see how you feel. The better you feel saying it, the healthier your mind is. We turn into these little wall flowers because we’re afraid to express ourselves and do something inconvenient.
Honor your wants, your needs, your values and express them in reality. Be who you are openly in every encounter. If you have an idea such as approaching a girl at the coffee shop and you don’t do it, you’re betraying yourself. I call this dying piece by piece every time something such as this happens. This makes your self-esteem and happiness suffer.
Also, be free to say no when you don’t feel like playing someone’s game.
5.The practise of living purposefully.
Using the power of yourself to complete goals that you’ve selected. Living without a purpose is to live on the mercy of chance. You should be proactive, not reactive. Nothing will happen if you do not take action yourself.
6.The practise of personal integrity. This means staying true to yourself. Stay conscious, stay connected, taker responsivity and do not escape into the mental sanctuary. It connects all the pillars. Lies don’t work since you still know and that’s all what matters.
All of these practise are both the cause and the effect of your self-esteem. They are done to create self-esteem and they’re also projecting self-esteem. You don’t get your self-esteem handled, you will not be appreciated, you will not appreciate yourself, you do not feel worthy, you will most likely self sabotage and lose the game. Your own actions are the only things that can affect your self-esteem.
There is no other way.
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