I’m sure you’ve heard that if you want to get girls, then you need to be confident in yourself, but there is not an exact definition of what confidence really is. One of my mentors had a great one.
Confidence is having positive expectations for favourable outcomes.
– Moe Abbassi
A perfect example about how important confidence really is, can be seen in the movie called Harry Potter and the half blood prince. Ron thought of himself as a mediocre quidditch player. He did not belive in his ability to be good at it and was really scared of the upcoming ballgame that he participates in. Harry, seeing his friend in trouble, supposedly gives him the elixir called Liquid Luck, that is known to have the effect of destroying all your fear and giving you major confidence. Generally in sports, when you get frightened, it’s over. Ron goes off to win the game with a feeling that he will beat everyone against him. In the end it’s revealed that Harry did not use the elixir on Ron. He just thought Harry did. As we can see, Ron won purely just because he believed in his abilities.
I’m sure we all have witnessed a similar effect on ourselves in sports. When we play to practise, we feel confident because we don’t have much on stake and so we don’t hesitate to try new methods. But when we play to win, especially when it’s a championship game or just something that you need to win badly, then we appear to be much more scared to even try to do amazing plays and stick to the basic stuff that we know the best.
For an example if you want to talk to the girl, you will have positive expectations like she liking me back, me getting her phone number and so on. The reason why sometimes this is not good is because we tend to condition certain habits in our brain. Let’s say you’re confident in your skills and you go up to the girl while being fairly certain that you will get everything you expect. She rejects you. What happens in our brain is that it begins to condition all your interactions and will make you belive that every time you go up to a girl, you will get rejected. Therefor this belief is ingrained in your brain and you will expect that result every thing you take action. So what this is doing is that since you are sure in your upcoming failure, it has a higher chance to actually happen. In result of that this idea will be ingrained even further into your brain.
Past actions and outcomes will shape the idea of what will happen in certain situations. If you have positive feedback, you will start to belive in positivity. You will associate good things with taking action. If you get negative feedback, it will go in the other direction. The result is happening because of your thought. If you are feeling negative about the outcome and you approach a girl with that energy, then she can see that you are not confident in yourself and just came to talk to her just to get rejected. That’s not attractive at all. So she will reject you just like you thought. However, if you go to her with positive thoughts then you will also seem more confident since you look like you know that positive actions will happen in result of you talking to her. She can sense the confidence in you. This does not mean that she will definitely not reject you, but you have so much higher chance of she liking you. This is also the same principle that explains how winning streaks and losing streaks start.
There is this problem that if the result isn’t good, then we start to belive that action leads into bad results. Essentially this is short-term thinking and will stop you from progressing especially when you’re trying to get good with girls. How do we fix this?
First of all, you got to start thinking long-term and not look at the immediate results. Get feedback from it, learn from and if it’s negative, then think of how to make it better. What did I do wrong and how can I fix it.
For the second part, have the belief that with consistency you will start to progress and get results. You are starting to think long-term and you’re not focused on the immediate results that are happening now.
Winners have a winning present. So you have to be speaking, having the tonality, the body posture of someone who has confidence, of someone who is winning in life. You will start feeding into your sensations and your thoughts will go aligned with your body.
Tony Robbins has said that if you smile even if you’re sad, if you keep a smile even just for 10 minutes, then you will actually start creating positive thoughts. Whatever happens, whatever thought we have, our body has a reaction to it. If you can control your body and start having a winning presence, you’ll start controlling your thoughts. You will notice that you have a lot more confidence when you’re about to take action.
What is one thing that you do not have confidence in right now and what are you going to do differently in order to create it?